I keep starting to write something, and finding myself unable to put into words what I'm thinking. My thoughts whirl too quickly, I guess I shouldn't try and catch them all or be with them all. The reality is I don't like to think that they all are me, but they are. I mean, here I sit in front of my computer screen (at least I have one-and the energy to power it right?), cursor blinking. Yet, my major dilemma is what should I say? Or, where do I begin? and Does anyone care? Does it matter? Is all hope lost? and Should my only hope now be that it be short, the war that is?
What if these aren't the first things to cross my mind? What if, the first thing to cross my mind is, haven't we been here before?
I remember September 11th, as I'm sure many will never forget, but I will not idealize the memory. I was scared. More fearful than I've ever been in my life (shocked and awed as some might say). I think many Americans could concur, and many more could empathize, eventhough they may have felt the same at the hands of our will.
My feeling today, this evening, is that I fear not enough remember what that fear and terror was like. Too few, dig deep into their hearts and memory and remember how tragedy and fear and angst, can bring together people that never would have spoken to the other before. Perhaps these bonds are impermanent or perhaps they are lifelong, broken only by distance and time, but I suggest that we all take heed and remember how quickly they came. For support it or not, we've done the same to another country, yet again. It seems we forget. Or have we forgotten what some can do? What we would do? Will it be so easy? Was it for us?
And, when you've remembered. When you've remembered how the pain gushed from your heart and how the tears welled as you heard the news that so many lives had been lost, perhaps some close and dear to you, perhaps they all were, to you. Perhaps you can remember what you might have asked.
I asked: How? Why? Don't they understand the value of human life? What now? What will we do? Will this be the excuse?
Well, what now? Don't we understand the value of human life? Have we forgotten the will of human nature to drive one another together in times of fear and angst and uncertainty? What do you think the people of Iraq will do (or Iran, or Palestine, or North Korea, or Columbia?)? What do people do when they experience terror and trauma and will they follow our example? If they do are we ready, do we want this?
What would you do? What did you do? If you can answer all these questions and the rest of the ones that fill your head, then you can go back to sleep, or watch TV, or read CNN.com, or whatever it is that you do to avoid confrontation. Just stay numb. Stay cozy. It's not our fault. Really it isn't. And they promise, everything will be ok, when the bad men have gone away. Right? Isn't that what we believe? Well, isn't it?
These are just questions, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to them. It seems that if we think of a final answer then we find we must do something about it immediately, before all hope and faith in that answer is lost and we forget that that was the best answer. The best answer of that time. Well, then we have to ask, is time stationary? Are we by ourselves? Is there one answer? Have we decided for all, and if so what happens next? Who are we to say? These are questions I can't solve alone, I wish there were someone out there who would help. Isn't there? Somewhere?
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