EmptyHighway

I got on at West 4th. I know I got on at West 4th. I recall watching out the doorway as passengers got on at Canal, the next stop.

Then I returned my attention to the essay I had been reading.

I did not recall the train ever stopping for very long. I looked up from time to time, people were on the train, everything seemed fine.

I didn't feel the train start moving in the opposite direction.

When, I looked up again, to check the trains progress. My gazed was transfixed on the platform. It looks like Canal St. again. The bird sculptures. Those are the bird sculptures aren't they? I didn't catch the sign. Someone stepped in my way. But I had this feeling the train was going the wrong direction. I couldn't see the sign at the next stop, but I was transfixed by the thought that I'd missed out on an entire period of time. Somewhere. Sometime ago. I had switched trains.

There was no denying it, because I remember so well getting on at West 4th. The train had a C on the end of it? Not an E. Only the E goes backwards so soon in Manhattan.

At the next stop I saw the weird friction worn sculptures. Union Square, I knew. I was on the wrong train.

Confusion and disorientation gave way to relief.

I had gotten on to the wrong train.

Or had I?

Every now and again, I get lost on the trains. Not intentionally mind you. I don't set out to get lost and see the city. Somehow, somewhere, my attention lapses, time dissappears and I'm somewhere I hadn't planned.

Sometimes its refreshing. Today, it was a bit frightening. A simple mistake.

Perhaps the first car did say C. Perhaps my memory isn't as foggy as it seemed just a short while ago.

Just about everyday, I wake up to WNYC's NPR programming. Usually that means that stories like terrorist attacks in Iraq (IEDs-Improvised Explosive Devices), genocide in Uganda, Sudan, etc. and domestic spying by our "elected" administration, plague my dreams. While I know that all around the world, chaos is not raining down on all of us, it sure does feel like it when that alarm goes off the radio clicks on and the reporters start their daily barrage of mostly bad news from around the globe.

Here we are at the beginning of another calendar year and I wake up with all this in my head slowly yet deeply convincing me that perhaps I should just roll back up in the covers and not face the day. I can see why some people tune out the news completely and why many have stopped buying or reading the newpapers. It seems like the world is always falling apart and that no matter what we do, we make it worse. Yet, somewhere within, optimism creeps in and I say to myself, get up time to help stop all this madness.

But where does one start? Often I am reminded that one must choose one's battles wisely. Rarely have I mastered this art, however in the spirit of New Year's resolutions and organizing ones life by setting some goals for the year, I decided that "choose your battles wisely" will become my mantra for this year.

One of the issues we have heard a lot about, particularly over 2005, was climate change. The days last year seem like they could be measured in natural catastrophies. This morning, over my morning coffee (fairly traded and shade grown), I listened to a brief mention that Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison had managed to get support for passing of S. 517 the WEATHER MODIFICATION RESEARCH AND TECHNOLOGY TRANSFER AUTHORIZATION ACT OF 2005 and it has been placed on the legislative calendar. "Weather Modification, what the hell does that mean?" I thought.

The NPR story gave a short background decribing how the committee will reopen research and experimentation into weather modification research, which was "shelved" back in the 70's. The coverage and story were cursory at best, but the issue is extremely provacative. My mind reeled with some of the potential unintended consequences of changing a weather pattern in one place and the consequences abroad. What kind of disturbance in the forces of nature would this create? I sat up and shouted at the radio. "Does she have any idea what the potential consequences would be?" She being, Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, who introduced the bill back in March of 2005. Next I realized, I don't have a clue what the consequences would be either.

Also, I realized my anger and questions should not solely be levied on Senator Hutchison, despite my own personal bias and displeasure in her performance in the public sector. I don't know enough about Weather Modification or scientific evidence, models, or current thinking on direct human intervention in weather patterns. And perhaps Senator Hutchison and the other Senators supporting this bill were thinking the same thing. Better find out before its too late.

Nonetheless, it is hard to get past those gut feelings, that trying to effect the weather patterns over one area will have negative consequences somewhere else. I could not help but think of one of the most basic laws of physical reality the law of conservation of energy, whereby the action upon one body is translated into action or energy release within/upon another and so on until the effects are mitigated and diffused across an area of influence. But in my layman's understanding of the nature of the physical world, I think scientists and other experets might be able to speak more to the potential consequences of modifying the weather in some part of the world.

To say that I'm deeply concerned by potential consequences and uses of this technology, might be a gross understatement. Apparently I'm not alone. In May of 1977, at an Assembly of the United Nations, leaders from around the world raised similar concerns and debated and agreed that hostile actions and uses of Weather Modification could arise and convened to establish rules in the parties research and application of such technology.

Then I thought back to events of the past year, the record number of recorded tropical storm activity, Hurricane Katrina, and storm systems brewing on the west coast now and thought, maybe they are on to something. But should htis be something that we as Americans pursue alone? We aren't the only ones on the planet the last time I checked.

Yet, after doing a brief search on the internet I found that we have been working and actively trying to alter weather patterns for a number of years already. Take down in the Senators own home state (my original home state) where they have been seeding storm systems for years trying to deepen and lessen the effects of storm systems in the "West Texas between the Permian Basin and the South Plains, at the headwaters of the Colorado River of Texas" [1]. I was also surprised to see them admit that, "In some cases, there is evidence that cloud seeding in one area has actually increased rainfall at distances of up to 100 miles, or more, downwind from the area of intended effect."

My suspicion is, like many other areas of science, we are tampering with something we should not, yet again it is something we perhaps are already doing in our everyday daily practice. Perhaps this will increase the dialogue and debate that journalists like Elizabeth Colbert raised in her Climate of Man series in The New Yorker. Or perhaps this will lead to more abuses by our great nation upon agreements that we have made with other countries at our table in the United Nations. Only time will tell.

If you see one documentary this year, or in the next five, see this one, The Future of Food. We saw it yesterday and I was humbled and enlivened to see a problem illuminated along with a solution. The documentary has the tone of someone who sat through Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 911 and decided that it just was not as an effective way to get dialogue and movement around an issue as it could.

Deborah Koons Garcia, perhaps in response to Michael Moore's lackluster ability to highlight problems of our free-market economy and come off sounding hollow without following through on telling us really what we can do ( besides emailing our senators or protesting someone or something). The Future of Food does a fantastic job of illustrating the problem inherent in Genetically Modified Organisms as a basis for food, that their impacts on the environment haven't been researched enough, are supported and shoved down the world's throat by the one of the largest (monopolistic) agricultural conglomerates on the planet (Monsanto), the negative impacts on the farmer's key ability to harvest and reuse their own seed, and some steps we can and are already taking to reduce and hopefully reverse the impacts and potential impacts of GMOs on our lives and global food chain.

I've heard some critics content that the tone of the film was overly critical of GMOs and that they remain skeptical of such harsh criticism, yet I came away with no sketicism of the sort. I now understand that GMOs have good and bad impacts on harvest and food production and that the posited goods of GMOs are an exciting allure, but I am further cautioned towards being more selective about the foods I eat and will work towards cautioning others as well and spreading access to this cautionary tale. For if anything, we must continue to learn from history.

The Future of Food demonstrates that sometimes this history demands that someone shape the dialogue to affront your very sense of being in order for you to understand the sheer impact on your livelihood, and sometimes it takes a simple demonstration or act. This was Ms. Koons simple act, now it is our responsibility to further educate ourselves and one another. Sure, someday we may be ready for GMOs, but this film highlights the fact and reminds us that we have dashed into technological breakthroughs headlong before and ended up with our heads firmly planted in the sand. Let us not forget where the combustion engine takes us and is taking us, nor where the fires of atomic energy have taken us and who its taken away. Fear sometimes is the last resort in keeping we humans from taken that wrong step towards a perilous end. This movie strikes just enought fear into my own thoughts on food, to keep my fires burning a bit brighter.

The 20th Century brought great goods through industrialization and great perils. We've seen the demise of thousands of species and millions of humans at the hands of misused technological developments. In turn we've benefited from technological developments as never before. Today, I publish my own opinion a the blink of an eye and I can also find out as many facts and countervailing facts about as topic as my grandparents could come to understand in a lifetime. There is no denying that good comes from technological breakthroughs or the order and magnitude of GMOs, but there is also much evidence showing that in the wrong hands, and when laws become bent and abused to favor the few, the bad is more likely to surface than the good.

As the air begins to warm up and the leaves emerge from their many month hibernation, so does the sounds and shouts of spring and summer. Just after drifting off to sleep last night I awoke to shots, shouts, screams, and sirens. I looked at the clock and it was around 12:48 am. I must have been asleep all of two minutes, so it scared me even more than it normally would. It was like a falling dream where you wake up before you hit the ground, but this time the scary part was the awake time.

We live on a block in between Fulton St. and Atlantic Ave. nearly atop the Franklin Ave. C subway station. Our bedroom wall and backyard is on the Fulton side of the block, so as summer nears so do the sounds and chaos of Fulton/Franklin and Fulton/Classon corners. The distance between Classon and Franklin is like a 1/2 city block. Both corners look out onto a calamity of transients, unemployed, and generally unhappy people throughout the days and nights. The Franklin Ave. subway stop, according to a guy I overheard coming up the south exit stairs one day is "...the stinkiest mother f*%#!@$ subway stop in all of New York City!"

We are new to the neighborhood, in that we moved here at the end of June and this is our first spring here. Sadly, maybe someday we'll get used to all the chaos and scary sounds, or hopefully things will get better. This morning, I have to admit, I was a bit scared and worried about what had just happened, and today...today I can't find any evidence suggesting what happened.

We awoke to rapid gunfire, screams, and then within the fastest and at the same time, longest couple of minutes, police sirens. Then screams and sounds of large crowds gathering, yelling, running. What the hell happened? I don't know. I probably won't find out.

But I still am fascinated by this area, and would rather live here for quite a while more and get to know the place. I am just getting to know the area geographically and sociologically, but events and nights like these make me wonder.

I have been doing a cooking extenship (unpaid) at a local restaurant in Ft. Greene and I have about a 20-30 minute walk there a few days a week. I see the neighborhood at all hours. However, 12am-3am is still the sketchy hours. The hours when those who have not had their days go the ways they thought they would, decide to take out their aggression and take excise on our neighbors, neighborhood and passerby.

The funny thing is, this morning, when I woke up this morning the Brian Lehrer show's segment was on the effects of gentrification in Bed-Sty. A lot of the call ins worried about a "de-culturization" that comes with gentrification. I couldn't help but think of last night's events and the general calamitous tension of the Fulton-Franklin intersection and the bed-sty I've grown to know. This area could use a bit of de-culturalization if the culture they are talking about is reflected in the sounds I heard last night many other nights since we moved here. It does not feel culturally vibrant now, at least in a coherent positive way.

While the wave of gentrification may be ebbing at the neighborhood door. And folks like and unlike me may be fearing the steep property values and whitification that comes on its coattails, the neighborhood of bed-sty I know is primarily african, west indian, and african-american and it seems to me that a majority of the business owners are not really interested in providing a culturally diverse and positive influence or experience in this neighborhood. They provide the lowest quality goods and services for the highest possible prices. As far as the evidence of big businesses, developers and gentrification is seen in only a handful of new buildings and select remodeling of brownstones. Perhaps one could count the Popeye's chain as evidence of corporate dominace and gentrification on our block, but I count that as more of a parasite than corporate takeover.

Don't get me wrong... I have seen the new Yoga studio, walked by some new businesses that look like they belong in "Boerum Hill", and wondered where all the hipsters are coming from, but calling Bed-Sty gentrified is like calling Bloomberg country-fried.

Meanwhile I still go to bed to the smells of Popeye's and Crown's day old fried chicken and the sounds of screams, sirens and shots of their well-fed patrons.

This article on openDemocracy.net, hits a lot of nails on the head towards furthering our great need to seal off and bury our coffin of un-manicured and ineffective dissent, debate, and criticism of the past four years and year of presidential campaigns.

I think we all could learn a lot from the nuggets of truth in this essay. While I've been very critical of the current administration's policies and response to the attacks of 9/11, I've also been very dissatisfied with the innate hypocrisy in anti-American sentiment.

How does one justify lashing out at American values and ideals when one has the freedom to do exactly that?

We should dissent and we should pay attention to what OUR government and elected officials are doing. When we disagree we should ask our government to stop doing whatever it is doing, or is not doing; however, we cannot be against the ideals of America for it strikes me that it is those very ideals that allow us to stand against our ideals. American ideals and America is not one frame of mind or understanding, they and it is ever-evolving. Malleability lies at the very nature of the greatness of our pursuit.

Anyways, this essay, if not my foggy regurgitation, is very thought provoking and I hope you'll humor me and read it through. I'd love to hear your feedback.

Let's see anyone need some paper or maybe a new road? It's just a few trees. No one will even notice.

Administration Overhauls Rules for U.S. Forests

Oh but wait...he says he is "Protecting the Environment".

“Our duty is to use the land well, and sometimes, not to use it at all. This is our responsibility as citizens; but, more than that, it is our calling as stewards of the Earth,” said the President. “Good stewardship of the environment is not just a personal responsibility, it is a public value. Americans are united in the belief that we must preserve our natural heritage and safeguard the land around us.”

Um...yea, right.

After watching all four of the debates (available over at C-SPAN if you haven't seen them) for this year's presidential election, presented by the Commision on Presidential Debates (Please watch this video on the how the debates are coordinated from Bill Moyers program, NOW: VIDEO.), I still felt I had little perspective on what kind of leaders they'll make for the next four years. Besides the facts I already have gleaned about both of them from their past years of service (which you can read about over at vote smart or the whitehouse.gov, if you are interested John Kerry or George Bush) and the press coverage of the past few years.

While I am not an "undecided" in this years election (perhaps some of you are) I am always striving to understand both sides of the issue and where each candidate truly stands on their beliefs, personal history and potential role as the foremost world leader for the next 4 years (and perhaps you are too). I think, as evidenced by the last 12 years of presidential history (that which I was most lucidly paying attention to having been born in 1974), we've seen that the President very much shapes the directions this country and other world leaders turn, hence we have a responsibility as citizens and voters to investigate which of these candidates should hold the position.

I ask you to please watch this program from Frontline (a PBS Television Program), which I believe presents a very fair and non-partisan view of the candidates. With all the seemingly stilted press coverage, and carefully manicured candidate propaganda, I think this helps clear through the mud and get down to who these candidates really are, not just in terms of character, but in terms of experience and their political beliefs. None of us can predict what either of them will do for certain over the next four years, but we can weight the options well and cast our vote with confidence that we believe and have some degree of trust in our choice.

The program is called, "The Choice 2004", and it is viewable on the web if you have a high speed internet connection, or if you have a group of friends that you can gather (hopefully a bi-partisan group) before the election, get them all to chip in and buy the tape or dvd and watch this. It's very good, and backed with other evidence found on non-partisan websites and in your local libraries, surely you'll have enough to make a sound choice for America.

Thanks for listening and I hope to hear from all of you soon.

-wayne

9/11/2001

A little after 9am, I received an instant message from Tracie. "Uh...we're listening to the radio and they say that a plane crashed into the world trade center..."

A little while later...

"um...oh my god!...another plane crashed into the world trade center..."

A little while later...

"Oh mi God, what is going on, they just said a plane crashed into the pentagon!"

Three years later, I'm living in Brooklyn, NY. I wake up to a crystal clear Saturday morning. About the same time the first tower was hit back in 2001. It seems like yesterday. The air even tastes the same this morning. I remember because, we worked in the shadows of the Hancock building in Boston at the time and while our employers were deciding what to do...we evacuated ourselves.

We had ridden our bikes that morning, so I rode over to Tracie's office and we headed to Cambridge, and kept riding out to the "Minute Man" trail. The air was cool and we didn't want to be in the city.

For one of the first times in my life, I was scared that we were unsafe, that our countries policies would bring us all death. I didn't know what to do. We rode for a while, and we even talked to a few people along the path about it briefly, some hadn't heard.

We kept riding. I heard and fealt a familiar sound, strangely out of place, as an F-16 fighter jet tore through the air above.

I grew up in San Antonio, Texas, surrounded by airbases and I hadn't heard one since I was back there. Boston's airspace is primarily commercial jetliners. It felt like we were at war.

Eventually we rode back to the city.

We've spent the last three years watching our President and his Administration and the Congress, lead this country to war against a country that wasn't involved in these attacks we remember today. We've watched and argued with many of our friends, families, neighbors, about whether attacking Afghanistan, Iraq, or any other country would in any way keep us safe from future terrorist attacks, or whether the Administration's policies would help keep the world safe and in peace. It has not, and it is not.

These attacks we'll never forget, especially those of us on the East Coast, in any of those early fall brisk clear mornings, when the day looks like its going to be, just another beautiful day. Some of us will remember, some of us won't remeber why we feel strange, or depressed, or emotional, when everything seems so bright and hopeful.

This morning I was reminded as the sun shone and the air breezed cooly through our bedroom, that there is hope still. We can still hope that war the war will end soon. We can hope that this "American" ideal of "Freedom" will stop meaning, "Freedom to do as we please, unto whomever we do not like."

I hope that this Administration will end, and end swiftly. Have we settled the score for the thousands of lives lost here, by sacrificing thousands more of our own and countless other innocents abroad. Will this imagery, of the phantom towers linger on for years to come, like an open wound that never heals?

I hope not, I hope we can reconcile with the world and be seen as human citizens again someday.

It is confession time for me. It is time that I come clean with everyone out there. I don’t exceed the speed limit. There, I have said it. When I drive, I keep it right at the speed limit. Not a couple of miles per hour over it, but right at it, and it seems to drive people insane. I personally don’t get it. Obeying the speed limit is the only time that I can think of (though I am sure there are others) where most people in genneral will call you obscene things, and consider you to be an all around @&#*!%^@ for not breaking the law.

Who are you people? What are the people that tailgate me until the point that they become so irate they will pass me on a blind curve on the wrong side of the street cursing at me in such a hurry for. Are you all surgeons on the way to save the lives of a group of orphans that were in a burning bus as they tried to get to the circus before they died of leukemia? My guess is no. Most of those people are just jerks who believe the speed limit is a suggestion (this is outside of Montana folks) and feel that not only should they break the law, but all others should to just to accommodate them. I have people on almost a daily basis tailgating me, making gestures and comments (as if I could hear them) in my rear view mirror because I am such an inconsiderate jerk as to obey the designated speed limit. What kind of maniac am I?!

The best part is when they get mad and start riding my bumper. You see kids, it is called a speed limit. It is called that because that is the high point of speed you may legally reach in the designated area. Now, you CAN drop below that speed. In most places you may go fifteen miles per hour BELLOW the speed limit before you are considered to be obstructing the flow of traffic legally. So, when people ride my bumper in an attempt to intimidate me into breaking the law, I exercise my right to slow down. Sure, it is a rude thing to do, but so is tailgating (which is ALSO against the law.)

Then when they fly past me screaming obscenities at me (because they were jerks in the first place) they do 80 to make up for the time. The most gratifying part about this exercise is that there is usually a stop sign or light up ahead that they end up having to stop for behind all of the people that got there before them. And as they sit and wait I pull up directly behind them (having obeyed the speed limit and arrived at the same location right behind the person) with a great sense of gratification, and I wave to the guy who flew past me.

That happens a lot. People will speed, fly past me, and then I end up sitting right next to them at the next stop. They sped, I didn’t and we all ended up at the same place at the same time. The best is when there is a string of stop lights on a road, and at every light they spin their tires and take off. Then at the next light I pull up right next to them again. Ahh… it is the small things in life we must learn to appreciate. The little things that bring us joy, like laughing at a jerk at a stop light, that is what really brightens my day.

So let that be a lesson to you kids. When you tailgate someone, and they slow down to a crawl, you brought it upon yourself. Maybe you should have left the house on time.

I don’t know how much longer I can take it. The whole thing has become ridiculous. For the past few years I have denied the allegations that George Walker Bush and his ilk were doing anything shady and underhanded. I figured they were just stupid. I tend to ignore conspiracy theories as a general concept, as they are usually simply the products of overactive imaginations, and paranoia. Still, I have to say that I really cannot ignore the simple facts of the situation any longer.

Tom Ridge made an announcement today (the third in the past two months made by some government official associated with national security) to tell us that terrorist want to commit acts of terrorism. Now they don’t know WHICH terrorists, WHERE they want to attack, WHEN they want to attack, or any details of any sort. Still, we know they want to. WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!!! This has become a more frequent event as of late, and just cannot be ignored. It started a while back when a similar announcement was made, along with the unveiling of the mug-shots of eight terrorists we should be on the lookout for.

Of course, that time they did not know any details either, and the pictures showed terrorists who’s pictures had been displayed on the FBI website for over a year. Then it happened again a couple of weeks ago, and now today. This act serves two purposes. First, if there IS an attack, then the people cannot say that Homeland Security was not doing anything about it. Two, it creates a sense of fear. Or rather reinforces the fear that is already there. That seems to be a major key in the Bush administration, keep the people scared.

Let’s face it, before 9/11 his popularity rating was not exactly the best. Then it happened, the people became scared. They were terrified, so who can they turn to for their defense and well being? The president of course. The commander and chief of our armed forces, the man who would be in charge of defending us. People threw their hope into him, regardless of if they should or not, because they were scared.

This is not uncommon at all. When my mother-in-law was eighteen her parents, uncle, and baby brother were all brutally murdered by two armed gunmen, then doused with gasoline and set on fire. She threw her fear, and hope into the cop investigating the case. She needed that sense of security, and protection out of fear. Today she still speaks of the man as if he were flawless, saintly, and could do no wrong. This is all regardless of the fact that for some odd reason the cop never brought up charges on one of the shooters regardless of evidence. Every investigator who has looked at this case since (including the one currently investigating that second shooters own murder) has found it appalling and ridiculous that this man was never charged in this quadruple homicide. Still, she needed to believe that the man on the case was the best, and was flawless.

When my mother’s OBGYN believed my wife and my child, and screwed it up terrible causing head trauma and nerve damage in my son’s arm, my mother would not say an unkind word. I have spoken to other doctors who have called his actions negligent, and yet my mother NEEDS to trust him.

I say it is time to get past this sense that we need to believe in George W. Bush and his cronies for our wellbeing, and protection. He has done nothing to show he is worthy of it. His response to 9/11 was nothing exemplary, in fact, it seemed to be nothing but a great opportunity to advance himself in the public eye. He has lied time and again, used false information, or misrepresented information to fool the people into following him. When his popularity began to dwindle after 9/11, he attacks Iraq? This man has show in no way that he is a great leader, or anything more than a foolish puppet. To be honest, I would rather vote for a cinder block this year than for George W. Bush this year just to see him out of office.

Ruling a county through a combination of fear and nationalism is nothing new, but it does not mean we have to like it.

Well kids, it is official, I have been blocked by the email server at www.thetruth.com. All I did was ask a few simple questions, and they blocked me.

It was simple, I asked if their standpoint was that it was not my personal choice to begin smoking, and therefore I was not responsible for my own actions, and they blocked me. I felt this was a perfectly reasonable question... but then again, these groups have not been known for answering my questions...

I asked P.E.T.A. how many animals THEY have euthanized, they refused to answer me. They average about one to one and a half thousand a year, but they don't like to publicize that fact while they are trying to have animal shelters shut down (through protest, or force.) I am now blocked.

I asked the Rainforest Action Network group and Greenpeace what they made their signs out of in a photograph of them protesting a logging operation. I am now blocked.

These are just a few of the groups that have chosen to ignore the opposition, even when faced with the most basic of questions. This type of attitude does not build confidence in their motives.

So if they refuse to answer even the most simple of questions, how can we believe they are so right in what they are doing?

The basic idea here is that there seems to be something inherently wrong with the operation of these groups, if not their methodology all together. If it is true that these groups are so dedicated to a righteous cause, why would it not benefit them to answer the most basic of inquiries. So what do you folks think? Are these questions reasonable, or am I simply out of my mind for asking such absurd things of such righteous organizations?

I'm not. Not in the conventional sense anyways, but I know quite a few. Hey teachers (and future teachers)...check this out.

Good Roomates are hard to come by. Tracie and I just lost the best roomate we've ever had (well since we've been living together anyways). Stepha is off to NYC! Laying the ground for us to move soon (hopefully).

Dear Stepha,

We'll miss you. We know you are only a few hours away, and that we'll see you soon. And that we are still family and all. We just wanted to let you know. We love you and that room is awfully empty without you.

Love,
Wayne & Tracie

However...Tracie's already got the paint color picked out for her new redesigned office...so I guess...don't let the door hit you on the way out ?

;)

But seriously bye for now, and go find us all a nice place for us all to live.

Please read the comment here for context.

Derek,
I didn't post the supporter comment. My brother did. See the posted by "Tony" ;)?

I agree with your comments about Clark, generally, although opinions on Clark don't matter too much anymore. But opinions on Health Care and Taxes do.
The tax burden for Middle-Lower class Americans is overwhelming; I know I paid $8000 this year alone.

And one might think one could figure out a salary from the taxes paid, but I dare you to figure out mine. The tax percentages are too unclear and foggy. I do know I would much rather pay taxes for socialized health care than socialized war. But how indeed could we have socialized anything, without war to begin with? Another discussion for later I suppose.

Currently our Defense budget sucks up most of our ability to manage any of the dire needs of this nation or nations abroad.

I was looking at Wesley Clark's tax plan more from the overall perspective of taxing those who need to be taxed (Big Businesses and the extremely wealthy) rather than those who can't afford to be taxed. The upper-class in this country and around the world have indeed bitten and ridden the backs of the lower-middle classes for too long.

I saw Clark as a compromise of lesser evils, and unless a large enough body of people in this country, including you and I, are willing to stand up and FIGHT for our beliefs, be it through democratic or other change, we will not see the change we want very soon.

Supporting Clark I felt was the best decision to make. I wanted to get the conversation going with the people I know read this site, and you are one of 3 people who actually commented seriously, which doesn't really surprise me, we all are overworked and have little time for anything, beyond our little circles of interest.

I felt Clark could bridge the divide and truly swing voters, like I still feel Kerry can't. And that perhaps Clark could turn the Democratic Party back into the party of the people. Generals are familiar with leading regular people, more so than Senators, in my opinion.

More importantly I think even when going into a discussion or conversation about something one's interested in, it is important to have one's own opinion on whatever is the subject of discussion/debate. This still leaves room for one to listen and compromise, and perhaps change your opinion, which was the most appealing aspect of Clark to me. He seemed to listen, even though he had strong opinions. Good leaders listen and are willing to compromise based on the facts they understand.

I'd love to also have you write on this site, although I haven't had too many women that I've invited, contribute much to the site and that is starting to present more of a male voice, perhaps more opinionated less-paternalistic men like ourselves will get these women we know to offer their side of the world too.
Thanks for commenting Derek, and I'll write more on the election soon.

For those of you sick of the "Democratic Race" coverage, I really recommend
you read Dave Eggers serial over at salon.com.

Listening to the primary election speculations this evening on NPR and John Edwards speech this evening, has indeed made me revisit General Clark as an optimal candidate.

Also, the fact that he doesn't blink very frequently has bound to explain why he has gotten such cheap overage in the press and so few vote in the primaries.

But honestly I have to admit, the overarching reason I have thrown my weight (ha!...what weight?) behind Clark in this election is: a) that I felt his idealogical viewpoints were more inline than John Kerry, John Edwards, or Howard Dean (and I don't think any of the other have a chance to win). I think if you read over the Senators voting records over at Vote-Smart.org you'll see what I'm talking about (That is if you have similar liberal views as I). b) I am looking for a candidate that is strong on issues that I support (that are in-line with the Democratic Platform) c) and probably most important, a candidate that has the ability to crush George Bush.

However, it seems I over-estimated the affects of the media and news coverage of the primary results, personalities, and the levels of coverage each candidate will get on mainstream T.V. , Radio, Print, and the Web. Unfortunately, I think Clark has been buried. Although many articles I've read has had overall great things to say about the man (despite their titles (which I think shows illustrates the bad press his son is talking about), and how he stands up for his beliefs and supports the people that advise him. I guess it's easy to do when one doesn't watch T.V. , except when I visit my, or tracie's parents.

polling shows that clark and edwards are tied in Oklahoma, that's awesome...but still speulation...I'll bet by the time I finish this post, it will have changed. And an Oklahoma resident is saying "...that there is a little bit of a suspicion of northern liberals...and that Oklahoma favors those with a military background...." -James Davis-NPR 8:36PM This is all very interesting, anyways back to my thoughts.

Earlier I heard Howard Dean, say that even if it isn't he isn't the Democrat running, he is "...for whatever candidate gets the democratic nomination...", and for the first time completely I agree with Howard. Whatever it takes to vreate unity, in fact my take is that a few of the candidates ought to just pull out of the race completely. Of course ego outwieghs that likeihood, but i think it would create the unity the Democratic Party needs.

It's too bad it seems that the head of the Democratic party seems to be backing Kerry, which I just heard a Edwards supporter on the connection mention that, Kerry against Bush, would be like a Silver-Spoon against a Silver-Spoon. And syas that Edwards can connect with the people "...not because he's articulate, but because he isn't snobbish (relating that Gore was...earlier)..." I agree, and that is why Kerry is on the bottom of my list. My list is Clark, Edwards, Kerry, Dean, in that order.

I lived in Texas for 25 years, Kerry doesn't stand a chance in Texas, whereas Clark will appeal to a great number of Texans on several levels. Clark is a retired General, Clark is a former Republican [update] historially a supporter of Republican candidates (despite his support of democratic candidates in recent elections-thanks for the correction), and Clark is a Southerner. All of the factors can play a critical weight in swaying the vote not just in favor of Clark. I grew up in San Antonio, and Military bases are scattered all over that city and the entire state. And it seems to me if he was to win the nomination, would bring the greatest chance to sway the vote away from a large enough section of Texas republicans to vote for Clark.

However, I'll weigh that ideal scenario with the reality that, Texas has elected Lamar Smith, Dick Armey, George Bush, etc. , all who had strong Christian stances on the sanctity of marriage, the alleged vileness of abortion, and their appeal to business interests, which do tend to vote at a higher rate that the democrats of that state.

Yes! Clark is predicted to come in 2nd in Arizona and 1st in Oklahoma

Anyways, I'm steady for Clark, but I'll weigh that with I'm excited with Edwards as well. Kerry I'd vote for, but I don't think he could win the election. Then again what do I know about electoral politics?

Al Franken took down a protestor at a Dean rally.

According to Franken,

"I'm neutral in this race but I'm for freedom of speech, which means people should be able to assemble and speak without being shouted down."

I am officially giving my public endorsment for Gen. Clark for president, because I am sure everyone was waiting with baited breath. Take a look folks, this is a man who is going places, and can take us all along with him.

This just in folks. Federal court in L.A. finds portions of the Patroit Act vague and unconstituional.

As Howard Zinn says "You can't be neutral on a moving train." And I'm anguished with the direction this Presidential train has been moving these three years.

Let's reflect on a speech from earlier in the Bush Administration. Or if you prefer, hop on over to his recent State of the Union Address. When you finish, comment on what you see wrong/right over there or down below, then read on.

From August 21, 2001, during question & answer session following a speech President Bush delivered at Target, Bush answers how his tax cut will jump start the economy. The the full interview is available here (as of January 25^th, 2004).

THE PRESIDENT: No, I think it's a cumulative. If you try to look at one isolated incident, it's easy to belittle $600 in a person's pocket. But $600 of additional disposable income all across America that amounts to billions of dollars will provide a part of the equation for economic recovery. Of course, if somebody buys a pencil, somebody's had to make it. But it is not just school supplies. That maybe kind of diminishes the effect of billions of dollars getting into the economy in a very quick period of time.

I knew I wasn't going to vote for Bush this election year, as many who read this site did as well, however I've been hard pressed to decide on a Democartic candidate. This year, unlike last year it seems to me, there are several solid candidates running, unfortunately they are all WASP's, but solid they are nonetheless. And like many "porgressives", I'm not just looking for a canddate that can win, I'm looking for a candidate that can represent the multi-faceted value structures and issues facing America and the World today. America should represent and lead in valuing the human spirit and every individual's right to live freely to pursue their own life free of opporession, as long as they don't infringe on others rights to do the same. I believe I've found a leader that can and will do that and I'll refine my reasons over the coming months as I delve deeper and grow more committed to the campaign.

One of the reasons Wesley Clark is appeals to me today, irregardless of his unavoweledly prior Republican alignment, supporting Reagan and Bush Seniors' Administrations, it seems to me he has the willingness, passion, and ability (through the benefit of hindsight) to bring realistic economic solutions to the forefront of leadership. Clark's economic plan disavows Reagan's trickle-down theory, which Bush has honed to a sharp edge and brought ever an embellished refinement.

In a speech I watched yesterday on Clark's website yesterday I couldn't help but confer what Clark says with what Bush said back in 2001.

An excerpt from Clark's speech at Dartmouth College:
"...what's going on in this country is that a lot of people are insecure about their future's. They're worried about jobs. They're worried about health care...the thing is..that the party that is in power, is doing the least to help them. It's program is taxcuts for the wealthy, with the assumption of trickle-down economics. And if you're at Dartmounth (this speech was given at Dartmouth), I'm sure you're aware that there is no academic merit in "trickle-down" economics. It should be taught in poilitical economy. Not in economics. (Applause)"

Wes Clark's tax plan make sense to me, and will probably be even more meaningful and beneficial to families like my brother's (4 boys all under 5). families who are a one-income family, that bring's home under $50,000. Read Clark's plan here.

Here's an excerpt of from his Families First Tax plan:
The majority of families will not need to file tax returns. Under Wes Clark's reform, more than half of American families will no longer need to file tax returns. The government will withhold the correct amount of taxes from the families paycheck or provide them with the correct tax credit. If they still want to file a tax form, they can. This system has been proven to work in thirty-six countries, including the United Kingdom.[1]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive enough to think this will pass through congress with flying colors. Even in the few minutes it took me to read, I saw a few glaring challenges. For example, his plan mentions several seeming inflexible target numbers, as oppossed to ranges based on cost of living analysis. As it stands it doesn't really take into consideration that different locales have different costs of living and hence different measurements of poverty. Nonetheless, it makes more sense than Bush's $600 for tissues or school supplies at Target, and waiting for the cumulative KA-POW of economic stimulus from that. We would have to wait until our states revenues recovered from his massive retraction of federal programs, that in the aforementioned speech above he claimed was laden with "pet projects". Mr. President, if Education, Health Care, and Labor rights are "pet projects" than perhaps you should consider running for the Chair of some board again, 'cause those "pet projects" ain't going away. I'm impressed that Clark's not just criticizing the Administration, he's getting his team to think about plausible alternatives, and making a stance on these in his bid for democratic nomination.

I've been spending a fair amount of time in analyzing the candidates on my own, and I still have a long ways to go before I am fully committed to one Candidate, but this much I can say, Clark, Kerry, Edwards, and even Dean, all look a lot better than the current Administration.

Clark seems the strongest and most capable of meeting Bush on his National Security platform, and as Clark proclaimed this past week in NH, "...I can go toe to toe with George Bush on National Security..." and I agree. And I've read a plethora of varied sources to boot. Watched video after video of debate, interview, etc. of all of the leading candidates and Clark seems far in front of the pack to me.

Of the top candidates, Clark speaks with the most decisiveness on all the issues he's weighed in on to date (which are many), yet allows openness for counsel from experts and debate at the same time. One of the things I've most disliked about Dean, is his waffling nature, to me, that spells defeat and clear centrist, middle-of-the-roadeness, that we don't need.

I remeber another waffler from my home state, George Bush was accussed of being a waffler back in Texas. He managed to win two gubernatorial races, before he marched on to D.C. The problem back then was that we didn't know what his stance was on most issues,a nd he waited till he got to the Whitehouse to let the full brunt of his decision fall on the American public,a nd took an opportunity to play his agenda once we faced the crisis of post 9-11.

Wesley clark sounds committed to Openness in the Federal Government and has made adamantly clear his stance on the most common and basic issues facing the American public, and in turn one of the first things he's done is provide a 100 Year Vision for America. And his vision is weighed by careful integration with his stance on issues. I can't remeber Bush ever clearly stating his stance on anything (besides issues that are clearly outside the realm of governmental intervention, i.e. religious beliefs, unbased in fact) , and I know that is not good for our country. Leadership must lay out their vision and be willing to hear and take criticism and amend their vision accordingly. It seems Wes Clark has stepped out leaps and bounds above the rest.

Read Clark's Pledge to Open Goverment...Or his Tax Policy...Or his 10 Pledges on National Security...or his stance on Education...Job Creation...

Well I have avoided this for a few days, but now I just have to let it out. During George Bush´s "State of he Union Address" this week, Bush once again made his feelings on gay marriage clear, this time without actually using a reference to homosexuals.

Along with so many others from the christian right Bush wants to create a constitutional amendment that would ban making gay marriage legal. In a time when republicans are yelling for smaller less intrusive government, they ae still showing their true colors. Republicans tout states rights, but it seems only if the state is in line with their thinking.

I think taking this to the point of constitutional amendments shows a sense of fear, and wanting for control. It is almost as if the right s saying “Ok, all you queers, we gave you everything else because we had to, but there is no way we will ever let you feel like equals completely.”

Sexuality in the oppressive mind of the right seems to be an exclusive club, tying into the debate on religion. Still after all these years, the only people they want to feel like are complete, and worthy citizens are white christian heterosexual males. If you are anything less, you are strictly second class.

In Alabama when the Ten Commandment “monument” was removed, the christians were screaming that their right to freedom of religious expression was being trampled. Still, is there anyone in this world that believes the christian right of Alabama would stand by and allow someone to erect a two ton Buddhist altar with burning incense in the middle of the court house? Where do you think their civil rights activism would be geared then? Or how about a giant pagan goat head in the middle of a pentacle? Oh, I am sure they would just be up in arms if someone tried to have it removed, right?

The motto of the republican party seems to be “You can have all the same rights as we do, as long as you become one of us. Everyone has the right to be equal, you have just as much a right to marry someone of the opposite sex, and turn your life to Jesus as we did.”

So does freedom of religion mean using personal religious beliefes to alter the constitution?

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/01/20020129-11.html

http://www.dontamend.com/

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, including section 212(f) of the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952, 8 U.S.C. 1182(f), and section 301 of title 3, United States Code, hereby find that the unrestricted immigrant and nonimmigrant entry into the United States of persons described in section 1 of this proclamation would, except as provided in sections 2 and 3 of this proclamation, be detrimental to the interests of the United States.

I therefore hereby proclaim that:

Section 1. The entry into the United States, as immigrants or nonimmigrants, of the following persons is hereby suspended:

(a) Public officials or former public officials whose solicitation or acceptance of any article of monetary value, or other benefit, in exchange for any act or omission in the performance of their public functions has or had serious adverse effects on the national interests of the United States.

(b) Persons whose provision of or offer to provide any article of monetary value or other benefit to any public official in exchange for any act or omission in the performance of such official's public functions has or had serious adverse effects on the national interests of the United States.

(c) Public officials or former public officials whose misappropriation of public funds or interference with the judicial, electoral, or other public processes has or had serious adverse effects on the national interests of the United States.

(d) The spouses, children, and dependent household members of persons described in paragraphs (a), (b), and (c) above, who are beneficiaries of any articles of monetary value or other benefits obtained by such persons.

Then again, as we read on, maybe he's smarter than we think...

Sec. 8. This proclamation is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party, against the United States, its departments, agencies, or other entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.

So, in other words, we can hae officials that walk freely in corruption but you can't? Something smell funny to anyone else?

Pres. Bush 1:20pm EST—"Part of the things you'll hear me talk about is how to continue the growth. I mean, we're growing. This economy is good. It can be better, so more people find work. "
—Source: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/12/20031205-4.html

Then how come so many damn people are being laid off still!?

Here is a List of people I know, who've been: laid off, can't/couldn't find steady work, are underemployed, etc. during this BUSH/CHENEY Presidency(Note: They didn't have this problem during the Clinto Era. Coincidence? Maybe.):

• Tracie (my girlfriend)
• Peter (her dad)
• Julie (her Mom)
• Stepha (my roomate)
• George (my dad- As of today, no less. 27 years for the same company, and oh what a few years before retirement, sorry..out the door. ..."..this economy is good." mr. bush Have you read a paper, or listened during your cabinet meeting's!)
• Ken (My current boss, was unemployed for 16 months before he got his job a year ago).
• Mike Boston
• Dan (co-worker-laid off)
• Leslie (co-worker-laid off)

That's all I can recall at this moment...but I know there are more. And we all know there will be more. When the soldiers come home, there will be even more. Anyone recall, "Vietnam" or "Desert Storm". It's seems to me that the only people who have jobs come in two categories:

• Those who: work like slaves and are lucky
• Those who work all the slaves and take the money

Sure, I sound cynical, and on the whole I tend to be, but I do have passion for: this country, democracy, fairness, justice, equanamity, and humanity. Where has all of it gone? Not only are we waging an unjustified war in a foreign land, lacking domestic support, under a popularly un-elected President...but we are also spiralling into the largest economic black hole of debt in the history of the world.

Today, when I found out my father was laid-off, I was angry, devasted, pissed, crushed, exhausted, and then I realized that I've been that why for a while, and this is just another time it has really hit home. I mean I am grateful that he has his health and has incredible intelligence, work experience, and more to come, but I am furious that he's been tossed aside like someone's used trash. The man worked (slaved...as so many else have) for my entire life at this company.

Not only, did he work for this company for 27 years, but he had been there several years before it became one of the many companies it was renamed to (when his employment was finally considered non-contractual work and a "full-time" employement - and Dad, correct me if i'm wrong here?). And it seems like only yesterday (although it was about a year ago), when he and I were talking about how his good friend Tommy had been laid off from said company, the same way, just before retirement.

Because, you know, we are living longer, so maybe we should all just work our asses off until we drop steaming hot dead in our jobs.

So, I came home, having decided I need to do something about this crap, and started to just poke around and see if there was anything about: economic growth, unemployment, workers rights, laid off, etc., on the world wide web. And what ahve you, i found numerous resources on unemployment and laid-off workers rights, and I found the speach mentioned above, coincidentally from this afternoon, around the same time I found out about him getting laid off. Wow, what a surprise.

Now we can't blame this all on Mr. Bush, but I'll tell you what, searching his former state, I sure can't find a helluva lot about laid-off worker's rights, infact the only thing found was this and it was on the Department of Labor's site. And the hilarious thing is that I was hard pressed to find the word "fired" laid-off". It seems they've renamed it...

Bush to Secretary of Labor
Elaine L. Chao —

Bush—"'Laine honey darlin, what's a better word for fired or laid off? I need a synyrnym for this here crossword puzzle?"

Chao—""Shoot hun, how 'bout...uh..´dislocated worker´...?"
Bush—"hrm...too long...but I like the ring it has...can't we do something with it?"

If you are a dislocated worker, then you may need this site.

I'm sorry, but I'm with George Carlin on this "...when are we going to dispense with the euphemistic language and call shit what it really is?"—a derivative of what he said in a routine form a long time ago.

What the hell can a person do about this?

What are you supposed to do if you are in midlife and you've been laid-off from the one place that you invested your life's work?

How can we prepare for this if we haven't even reached mid-life when this happens?

What happens when it hits home right away, when you're young?

What if you never even have a fair opportunity?

What the hell is going on in the world?

We need to act. I suggest we all try as damn hard as we can to stick it to each other, find some answers to these questions and more, and stop taking this crap! We have to stop sedating ourselves, and work our minds in this country to solve our problems, 'cause in case you haven't noticed, borders are dissolving, and our problems are becoming world problems. That's why we have to intervene, because often we are at fault. Of course that's easier said than done, I haven't had my experience with a layoff...yet, but I'll be damned if I won't.

We have to fight back, and as some say regime change begins at home. you can guess who's going to be one of the first scapegoats I pen it on, well, he does deserve it. Also, I'm going to continue my research. This may be the impetus for me finally going for a law degree.

To be continued...in the meantime a few resources for the "Dislocated Workers":

• Employee Benefits Security Administration
• Pension Issues
• Want ot know who else is experiencing what you are?
• Oh..they do use it...LAID OFF?
• more stats

And if anyone is reading this. Please tell us what you know with you comments.

Truth is, I am not one of those guys going around screaming that marijuana should be legal. Do I think it is silly that it is not, sure, but I am not going to go join some advocacy group. Still watching tv recently (yeah, I know, that was my first mistake) I have seen an incredibly annoying "PSA" for the war on drugs, maybe you have seen this too.

In it, they show a kid sitting at a roadside memorial and say that in one third of all fatal accidents the driver tested positive for marijuana. This is in no way a lie, but it's implication is misleading. They fail to mention that alcohol is present in more than 50%, and almost the entire third mentioned earlier falls into this category. While alcohol will only stay in your system for a few hours, and marijuana stays for days, this only proves that the person is irresponsible.

First off they were driving drunk, which I am sure we can all agree plays a pretty large factor in the accident. This shows the person is fairly irresponsible to begin with, so to say that they smoked pot, is not a far stretch. The point is that there are irresponsible people out there. A blatant disregard for the law, seems to show a person may not be all that concerned with other factors. Yet this is never mentioned.

This is very much like the "www.thetruth.com" commercials. In their antismoking campaign ads they have spewed more propaganda than the Nazi party. See, that is how you do it. Throughout history there have been so many to use propaganda on a daily basis, yet I use the Nazi's as an example, thus creating an association.

The fact is that there are more factors involved than any of these groups talk about, and neither are lying. It is all in how you say things kids. The information that you leave out, can often make what you say more powerful. They don't say in the marijuana PSA that these people were under the influence of marijuana at the time of the accident, all they say is that person HAD smoked marijuana recently enough to still test positive. That is all.

In a "Crazyworld" ad from www.thetruth.com tv spot, they have a parking lot game show where they have to find the product in the shopping cart without ingredients listed on it. Of course, it is the pack of cigarettes. They proclaim "even bottled water lists ingredients." What they don't mention is that alcoholic beverages do not. Neither do many over the counter and prescription drugs (though they will list the main ingredients, they do leave many off.)

The fact is that these are nothing more than propaganda. The question that remains is, does misleading advertising help or hurt the groups in the long run, and where do these "soldiers for health" draw an ethical line? Sure, I am all for keeping kids from picking up the habbit, but is misleading people the best way to do it?

I looked at this site a few days ago and said to myself, "Uh…woops, it’s blank." And then I turned the computer off, and read a book. Now several days have past and I really have had a lot to think about over the past month and even several days. I figured why not write these thoughts down. Before I forget them, as so frequently happens.

I don't know how many people read my site, and frankly I don't really care (quality over quantity), but I like to use this as what it really is, a journal of sorts. Albeit, one that could succumb to electronic maelstroms and atmospheric interference, but what wouldn't? I mean, if I had a paper journal and I started to write frequently and then some natural disaster came along. The most frequent natural disaster for many of my journals has been me, leaving them somewhere or spilling liquids on them, so why not write my meanderings here. At least someone out there can take a hack at my concept of the world. Maybe?

I digress, or maybe I just meander into meaning. I'll let you sort that out.

The Holidays or Post-Partum Depression?
Christmas. Yea...anyways. You got love your family. No really, you HAVE to, I mean it's written somewhere. Isn't it? (Mom, don't read this as about you if you read this, this is about the whole process more than any particular person. I put this here so that many of you can laugh at me and say yea, right, but I know that my Mom is good at worrying, and this is really nothing to worry about. )
Well, if it's not, I think I'm going somewhere else next year. It's not that I dont love my family, I think it's something else.

I think that family’s actually need a holiday from each other. Next year that is exactly what I'm suggesting and participating in. I think I'll volunteer a few weeks abroad somewhere...maybe Iraq (Peace Corps anyone?).

And its not like the Holidays are an uplifting time anyways. Past 3 years someone close, close to those I love, or someone who just was there for me in some important way has died around this time. First it was my Mother's Mother 2 Christmas's ago, then it was my Dad's and now it was my Great-Step Uncle Bill (and let's just say that like in business, titles don't express the significance of a person Bill was a treasure to us).

And yet, I didn't even get to the funeral this time. My travels over the past few years are still accruing interest as I type, so no dice. And I had already taken the plunge to get more debt (the car) just before the holidays, which exacerbated the tenuousness of my pocketbook's heft.

So, net year, I'm going on strike during the holidays and I'm going to work somewhere else. Screw it. Who needs a vacation? I love seeing everybody, but I also need a break from all of them anyways.

Back to work...
Cynic #1:Yea, and so what of it? Are you changing the world now that you are back for the new year? Well, are you?

Wayne: Well, yea. Sort of. Hey...leave me alone. No really, leave me alone, I mean it.

Cynic#1: Well, how involved are you in your community? What are you doing to change the regime to something worthwhile?

wayne: Well, for starters…this.

Politics. Elections. Ethics (in the same heading are you nuts?)

I read a lot. No I really do. But I finish things slowly. Lately, I've taken to reading short stories. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, and faster than a book. I've had great fun with McSweeney's over the past months, and their publications. In fact I purchased this tome a few months back and received it just prior to the holiday break.
And I started to read that, Howard Zinn's "A People's History..." and got a bit overwhelmed with the seriousness of it all. Everything is already serious enough right? That's why so many of us talk so damn much about movies. The economy is collapsing, our (popularly unelected) President has taken us into a Vietnam'esque war , our World Economy sucks because our laws and governments allowed so few to get so rich so damn quickly, off the sweat of all our backs, and we talk about the latest movie. I guess that qualifies as 'talking politics'.

Then when we do talk politics, so many of us, think we know everything there is to know about every issue, that we ignore what the hell the other is saying and walk away just as pissed and more unlikely to initiate a conversation about politics again.

So, with all of this on my mind and the desire to learn from history, I read. One of my own key failures in life has been not questioning enough and being distracted by too many interests. Lately my interests have centered around three things: history, history of war, and how to win a war (and I don't just mean a multi-nation war either, I mean personal ones as well). So, I’ve read.

Some conclusions have been made, some inclusions observed, and some ideas discussed. Tracie and I talk about what we each read, see and hear, late at night lying in bed. This is one of those great perks of living and sleeping with some one, part of being committed and seeing the multi-faceted benefits of not living an alone life. I live one of those for so long, longing for something I did not understand, and only understand bit by bit each day.

Not only have I read, but I’ve browsed. In my browsing, I came across, of all things, a PBS special biography on Jimmy Carter (I link to Amazon here, but I found it in my local library. He was President when I was 6, so I didn't really know a lot about President Carter. However, since organization's model of Clinton as a poster child for National Service, originally stemmed from stufying President Carter's innate goodwill and actions that he performed following his Presidency with Habitat for Humanity, and how it benefitted that organization. I had an intuition that the more important aspect of the man was what his service embodied, and being an assett to the organization was only a side affect, and for me the video rang this hypothesis true. I need to read more about him soon. I htink it will also help structure my thoguhts on this Presidency and how I can participate more fully. It is never too late.

Libraries are wonderful things, and rather than steal tax dollars from states they are an investment in a state or community, made by tax dollars. Interesting.

Why have I forgetten about libraries? Why do we forget about them? Do we need 4 color ads in the paper to remember they are there? Do they have to have a Starbucks in or next door to make the attractive?

I think one campaign to increase their popularity could be two-fold. Raise your taxes by as much as you spend on Starbucks and Amazon.com a year, and increase your libraries desirability by threefold. A) You can use those tax dollars to build houses for the homeless that stay there during the day. B) You could by at least twice as many books ('cause we all know Amazon and B&N.com mark their books up by 100%) C) You could pay for equitably raised and procured, great tasting coffee, at 1/4 of the price of a cup of Starbucks coffee. And yea, this cup would taste good. D) We could outfit those libraries with internet stations that didn't charge for internet access 1 for every 10 people in the library, and make http://www.vote-smart.org, http://www.thomas.gov, http"//www.thenation.com, http://www.alternet.org, etc. favorites, to make removing terrible leaders that much easier. It could work. And maybe I'll look back at this post someday soon and come up with a real plan. Or maybe one of you will.

I don't know, but I'm glad we talked. Good night.

Considering my earlier post was on the death of my uncle, you would think that a discussion of the meaning of life would stem from that. Honestly, it came from another place all together.

Looking at life. The eternal questions of man, That which we have looked to the heavens for, and within ourselves. Introspective contemplation, through the ages of man. What is being? Why are we here? I have found the reason, or rather my reason.

When I asked the question "why are we here" I was flooded with answers and ideas from every section of my consciousness. Still they all led to one point. We are here, because we are here. That is all. Sure, it sounds like tautology, and in fact it is, but the truth cannot be denied. What I am getting at is to ask why we are here is to imply that there inherently must be a force that has intentions towards our existence.

Still, why must we think in these terms? We do not know of the existence of any higher power, so why do we assume that is must exist? Maybe it is because we fit here so well. We fit inside of our environment, as if it were built for us. Rather, why can it not be that we fit into this world so well because we are not dead yet.

The simple fact that our species is still alive shows that we fit here, but that does not mean that this outcome was without trial and error. If you gave me a board with a hole in it, and a box of wooden blocks that were never intended in their creation to ever encounter the board, there is still the off chance that I may find one that fits. Does that mean that their creators had this in mind? Of course not, so why must we think in these simplistic, and narrow terms? Because it is part of who we are. We are builders, we shape the world around us. Useful things exist because we made them. So, if complex systems in nature exist, people think that they must have been created.

And of course since we are builders, and creators, whatever built this place (since it is so complex) must be very much like us, but bigger and more powerful. Again, narrow-minded simplistic thinking.

But what does any of this have to do with the meaning of life? Everything, and nothing. The truth is we are asking the wrong question. It is like the creatures Douglas Adams wrote about. They built the most powerful computer ever to answer the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. It's answer was "forty-two." When asked what it meant, the computer said it did not know, and that another larger computer must be built to figure out exactly what the question was, that gave the answer as forty-two. The point of all this is that people cannot find the meaning of life, because they are asking the wrong question.

A more appropriate question is "Where do I find meaning in life?" That is the key. For millennia, people have wasted their entire lives in search of innate, justification for our existence, instead of living their lives to create justification. The meaning is in how a life was lived. The meaning is in life, not about it.

To lose a dear friend. For an icon in a life to leave this Earth. For a great man to bring to an end his final chapter. How do we express a lament for someone in our lives who is just as much myth as man? A legend in our mind. How do we honor a man who has bestowed an unimaginable gift upon the world by simply existing?

While I know that my Uncle Bill could be a formidable opponent in the courtroom, I have never encountered that man. I did not know William White the lawyer, I knew Uncle Bill, the spinner of yarns, and the man whose life I could never hold a candle to.

Over the years I have sat and listened to his stories. So many times I have heard the stories. From world war two, when as a sonar man in the Navy he accidentally dropped the sonar dome out the bottom of the ship to where it lay today at the bottom of the Pacific. Or how he and his war buddies dropped gasoline cans from a plane onto the Teas A&M bonfire, igniting it prematurely. Then how he met the woman he would marry six weeks later, and the marriage that would last over half a century.

How do I honor a life such as this? How do you find the words? Where s it written in the tomes of humanity as to paying respect to the greatest man that I have ever know. His gentle smile. Soothing laugh. Listening to the same old jokes over and over again, and laughing, because it was hard not to in his presence.

I could be sad. I could weep for a year. I could fall to my knees and rage at the Gods. Still, none of this will keep him with me. As he said himself, he has been living on borrowed time since 1946. When the final moment comes, he will know that he lived. He will not regret not having taken a chance when he had it. If there was a chance to take, he took it, and if there was risk involved, all the better.

So how to I thank this man above all others? How do I tell him what he has given me? How do I let this man, who was the only grandfather I ever knew, what he has done for me?

This is the only way I know how. Thank you Uncle Bill, I love you.

My eyes are burning. I have an appointment with the Optometrist tomorrow...eek!...which one?..eek! (I'll have to look that up on my work computer). And I just found this poem. Makes me want to read more poetry. Maybe even write some. And keeps my eyes burning because I can't stop surfing and reading other peoples thoughts and examining their ideas.

I am shocked, I am outraged, and well, confused. I honestly don't know how to feel this christmas season. As I succumb to the evils of corporate America sucking me dry and telling my children they can't live without a small piece of plastic they will lose interest in within twenty minutes, and it is all my old stuff. I feel like I am walking into my own garage sale as toy manufacturers sell off my childhood in a new package.

Walking down the toy sections at the store I pass over and over glimpses into the past. Yes kids, the toys of the eighties have returned to haunt us. I noticed it happening as early as high school, when the movie Robin Hood (staring a british accentless Kevin Costner, I mean come on, even Christian Slater tried to fake it) and a toy of what was supposed to be the Sherwood Forrest camp came out. I immediately recognized it as the Ewok treetop village playset I coveted as a kid. It has continued over the years, a more recent example of this repackaging came along with the second Harry Potter movie, when they came out with a toy of a trap that would dump slime on Harry Potter. This was nothing but a repackaged He-Man slime pit from the mid-eighties.

But now, they aren't even trying to be slightly creative by repackaging. I walk into the stores and they are filled with Care Bears, My Little Pony, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, GiJoes. Ok, I admit GiJoe was more my father's toy, then it was redesigned and sold to us (by the way, I miss the little plastic-eye-screw-rubberband- in-the-waist action figures much more than these retro pumped up Ken dolls.)

How dare they? That is MY CHILDHOOD they are selling! My kids need to make their own memories and stay out of mine (you know what I mean) Look, I hate to share my toys when I was a kid (ask my brother Wayne some time about a baseball glove he carried around for a full day once). I don't need to do it now. THOSE ARE MY TOYS AND KIDS NEED TO STAY OUT OF THEM! I didn't get to have an XBOX when I was a kid, they don't get to have Optimus Prime.

IT'S NOT FAIR, I'T NOT IT'S NOT IT'S NOT! And I am gonna hold my breath until they stop!

Don't get me wrong, I am the king of anti-road rage. I don't speed (honestly, I don't go over the speed limit.) I don't freak out and honk at people over silly foolish things. But those people in the parking lots... you know the ones I am talking about.

There I am, after work, just needing to pick up a gallon of milk so the kids can have cereal in the morning, and then it happens. An SUV in front of me in the parking lane stops for no apparent reason. So in turn I stop, along with the person that has just pulled up behind me. As I look ahead, I see a woman pushing a shopping cart, and put the car into park. The SUV in front of me is going to wait for the woman to unload her cart and open up the parking spot.

This would be fine, if the parking lot was full, but no, as I look around I see multiple spots open. I can't get to them though, because I am now boxed in. So there I sit. For twenty minutes. So this person can avoid walking an extra twelve feet. If the sheer sloth of this person were not annoying enough, there is a second factor.

If the sheer sloth of this person were not annoying enough, there is a second factor. Aside from shopping, what is it we do large amounts of in stores? Walk! This person is about to set off on a forty minute foot trek through a store, and they want to spare themselves from an extra six steps. So what does this say about our society? More than I am willing to write here tonight. I have to turn in early, tomorrow I have to go to the store.

While driving down yet another polluted, overcrowded freeway this weekend, I came across a site that never fails to bring a tear to my eye. Like so many times before I bore witness to the discarded of society. While it is inevitable that in a large populated society we should leave behind and discard that which we once held so dear, must we then ignore it's existence? Have we become so desensitized to it that we now pass by without giving it a second thought? While that seems to be the case for so many others, I refuse to fall into that particular rut (I have ruts of my own that I have yet to fully explore.)

As I was saying, I witnessed this atrocity of man, which I am sure you have seen too, the lone shoe on the side of the highway. Yes, this is so very common, and easy to ignore, I cannot bring myself to do so. The lone shoe. Where did it come from, who would have abandoned the poor sole, and where pray tell has it's sole mate gone?

Why is it always one shoe by itself? While one might say that it came from a moving car, and the other shoe was thrown out further down the road, I have rarely found it's equal. And what kind of person throws a shoe from a moving car anyway? Did they no longer have use for only one of their shoes? Did the shoe wrong them? And again I ask, where is it's match? I mention the other shoe because this is the most curious part of the road shoe phenomenon.

Shoes as we know come in pairs. It is a reflection of our biology, two feet, two shoes. In this way it is reflective of who we are in a biological, and physical sense. So to see a shoe, alone, absent of it's foot, and it's partner is rather unnerving. At first when I began to attempt to rationalize this occurrence, I thought, maybe it was purchased by a man with only one foot. After all, what use could he have for two shoes, while he has but one foot? Maybe he bought a pair of shoes, and threw out the one he had no use for while driving home with his purchase. This theory though, contains two major flaws. One, many people with only one natural foot have an artificial replacement that would require a shoe, and secondly, the road shoe is never new.

I later realized that it is futile for me to try and solve this puzzle. I never saw a person throw out a shoe on the highway, nor do I need to. The how is not important, what is important is what I can do to help. I have come to the realization that I have seen the lone shoe occurrence in only one other situation, yard sales. Often at yard sales I have seen lone shoes, and wondered why anyone would sell only one shoe. Now I know. They had two shoes, and some vandal had stolen one, realizing this was a very silly thing to do, then threw it out the car window while making his escape.

The shoes owner could not bear to part with his remaining shoe, in the hopes he would one day recover the other. As time passed, he would lose hope. Still, while loving his shoe, he could not just throw it away, but opted to find it a good home, and tried a last ditch attempt by giving it a good home with some patron of yard sales.

So now, I collect road shoes, and take them with me to yard sales in the hope of reuniting them with their partners. While there is little glory or reward in this act, I feel it is in some small way a public service. So I implore you all, don't just pass that shoe by on the side of the road, in an act of good faith, take it in, and reunite it with the only other out there that is made to be by it's side.

You never know when karma will strike.

This post was sent to me (Wayne) , from my brother a couple of days ago. He doesn't know it yet but he is now a feature writer on this site. I am posting this as him and under his new account. Please read, this brought a big fat smile to my face and I couldn't be happier for him

Well, I have to say that it is an odd experience. Just two days ago, I talked to
Wayne, and was terribly depressed about my situation. I felt like I was going nowhere,
like there was nothing in my future to look towards. Then it happened. Shannon
pointed out an ad in the paper.

I had always toyed with the idea of getting a job with a newspaper, to be honest I
had wanted that since I was twelve. It was my whole basis behind my choice in
college. I wanted to work for a newspaper, still, over the years, my dreams have
faded, and my outlook has skewed.

I moved on from dreams. I began looking toward responsibility. My dreams had lead me
down so many false paths, to so much failure. Then, a simple ad in a small town
newspaper shown it's glimmer on me. I laughed when Shannon showed it to me, but for
two days I couldn't stop thinking about it. All I could think of was this little ad,
and a tarnished dream.

Finally, just to prove I couldn't do it, I answered the ad. I walked into a small
newspaper office, and walked out with a job. Today I spent my first day behind my
new desk at a small town newspaper. Monday through Friday, from eight a.m. to five
p.m. I am the design and layout department for the Canyon Lake Times Guardian
newspaper.

Of course, it is a small paper, with only one issue a week, a 5,000-issue
circulation, and an in-house staff of ten tops, but to me, it might as well be the
Washington Post, or L.A. Times. To me it is a kingdom of gold. So excuse me if I
speak a bit romantically about a low paying job, with no fanfare, but when a man
sees his dream appear in broad daylight, it is hard to keep his feet on the ground.

If it's politically sensitive move it to cable.

US TV network CBS is expected to announce it is cancelling plans for a mini-series about former President Ronald Reagan, according to a report.
The network has come under pressure from Republican and Conservative groups, the New York Times said.

The paper said it was likely the drama would instead be handed over to CBS's pay-cable channel, Showtime.

Mr Reagan's supporters are concerned that Hollywood liberals will use the drama to attack his legacy.

Excerpt from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/entertainment/3237893.stm

Published: 2003/11/04 10:34:58 GMT

© BBC MMIII

Freecycling--something to think about it, because you still can't take it with you. A little revolutionary fun that could possibly put Wal-Mart out of business...who is game?

`Freecycling' Devotees Are Saving the World, One Item at a Time

BY MARGIE BOULE
c.2003 Newhouse News Service

Imagine being able to get free stuff, reform your inner pack rat, help someone in need, protect the environment and perhaps even participate in a revolution.

Sound radical? Not if you take it one free thing at a time.

That's the concept of "freecycling."

For more information go to the extended entry...

`Freecycling' Devotees Are Saving the World, One Item at a Time

BY MARGIE BOULE
c.2003 Newhouse News Service

Imagine being able to get free stuff, reform your inner pack rat, help someone in need, protect the environment and perhaps even participate in a revolution.

Sound radical? Not if you take it one free thing at a time.

That's the concept of "freecycling."

Freecycling, says its Arizona creator, Deron Beal, is "a strange creature. It's basically a listserv for people to give and get things locally for free." A listserv is a computer program that automatically distributes e-mail to everybody who signed up on a mailing list.

Freecycling works like this: You have, say, a radial arm saw sitting in your basement that you bought, thinking you'd take a carpentry class and make a dining room table. Ten years later you're still eating on a card table and realize you'll never fire up that saw.

So you send an e-mail to a local Freecycle listserv titled: "OFFERED: RADIAL ARM SAW." Sure enough, within a day or so you get an e-mail from somebody who could really use that saw. They come pick it up, and you're free to pick a new hobby.

While you're trying to decide, you might peruse the free items others have posted on the Freecycle list: Do you need a small refrigerator? A queen-size mattress? An oil tank?

Or you could request specific items you're looking for, say, bricks, a bread machine, door gates for a puppy, or a time clock.

Depending on whom you talk to, freecycling is either a handy way to clear your closets or a planet-changing economic system similar to the Native American gift-giving ceremony "potlatch."

"I see freecycle as a way not only to keep our landfills free," says devotee Albert Kaufman, "but to allow people to experience a gift-giving economy." Kaufman runs a listserv in Portland, Ore.

Freecycling is spreading fast around the planet. Just last week Freecycle listservs were begun in Tokyo and Singapore.

It all started in Tucson, Ariz., in May. Beal, who's 36, runs a small nonprofit recycling organization in Tucson. Every once in a while someone would donate a desk, or computers, "and I'd have to call all these nonprofits, asking, `Do you need a computer? We have a computer. Do you need desks?' It was a lot of work."

One day it occurred to Beal: He could start a listserv, post what was available, and save himself all those phone calls. "And then I thought, why don't we open it up to everybody?"

So he did. "The first e-mail I sent to my friends and 10 or 15 nonprofits. That was on May 1. It started picking up pretty quickly."

After a week he had 30 people signed up; within a month it was up to 60. Today more than 1,100 folks in Tucson trade a steady stream of offers of, and requests for, items as diverse as propane barbecues, old wrestling videos, a prickly pear cactus and a Hammond organ.

"There's someone out there who needs almost everything," Beal said by phone.

By midsummer in Tucson, it was clear Beal had conceived an innovative way to meet those needs. Someone sent a description of freecycle in Tucson to the Utne Reader, which put a blurb on its Web site in August and a small story in its September/October issue.

"All of a sudden we got responses from all over the place," Beal says, "from people looking for guidance, saying they wanted to do this."

One of the responses was from Kaufman, 42, in Portland. A big supporter of recycling, he liked the idea of giving people a way to "freecycle" their trash, "rather than just tossing it away."

He contacted Beal, set up a Freecycle Portland listserv, and posted the first offer himself Sept. 16: a free one-hour guitar lesson. "The second posting was just a few minutes later, and it was a car," Kaufman says.

As it has in nearly every other city, Freecycling has taken off in Portland. Someone has offered to make free videos for rock bands. Someone else requested donations of large-size dresses.

Kaufman is moderator. Actually running the listserv takes only about five minutes a day, he says. He keeps out spam and ensures the most important rule is scrupulously followed: Everything must be free. No bartering. No exchanges of money.

Kaufman thinks it could change the way people look at their possessions. Beal agrees. "People go in thinking `want, want, want,"' Beal says. "But they come out feeling, `I'm helping out. I'm part of something bigger here."'

"For some people, it's a way to get a free toaster," Kaufman says. "For others of us, it's a way to change the world."

Oct. 27, 2003

(Margie Boule is a staff writer for The Oregonian of Portland, Ore. She can be contacted at marboule@aol.com.)

This entitles you to a raincheck for dinner (and whatever else you desire). In the location of your choice. Sometime in the near future. For it is your birthday and you are under-the-lovely weather and I am over-the-weather because you are my northern, southern, eastern, and western winds. Rain or shine. Night or day. You move me everyday, in everyway.

I love you. Have a happy birthday! And say hi to kitty for me. Be home soon.

"Hey!..It's not a performance place it's a subway!"

I almost stopped this ass and asked him why he yelled this to the woman who was singing at the bottom of the Back Bay stairway in the station this evening, but I didn't.

He was an average looking white guy, mid-fifties, grey hair, stern look, and a chip on his shoulder.

He said this in passing to the woman. Bent down as he was coming down the stairs (as if he was gonna compliment on her singing, or perhaps throw some money in her guitar case. But no, he yelled this to her. I watched as her face went from smiling to confused and irritated.

Why did you do that you ass? Why are you such an ass?

Why didn't I say something. I stopped at the bench that he sat down at, I thought about that scene in Magnolia, when Tom Cruise's character says in response to the interviewer "...I am quietly judging you...". I was also, so I left. I'd like to think that is why I didn't say anything, perhaps ultimately, it's because I'm jaded, I've seen this type of behavior from asses like this, time and again. I surely have done this to someone myself somewhere along the way.

Why is it that we feel the need to bash on people's good will, and willingness to take the chance, and risk in living a different life than we?

In response to...Is it Art? and this article.

Interesting indeed and timely. I've been thinking about this on and off for the last two or three years.

However, Reed's notion of Primary Wealth and Secondary wealth seem a bit of a stretch at the very least. You have to take this idea of Primary and Secondary wealth and assume it's true early on to agree with what Reed says.

While I understand these conception of production, those who create to fulfill basic needs vs. those who consume the basic needs and create accessories or human culture. I don't agree with them fully. Reed's depiction of the "Artist" as this Secondary Wealth producing entity, strikes me as half-mad.

I mean who of us do you know that lives off their "art" (the end-product)? Who would and who could? Is that what any of us are aiming to do? In all my discussions with artist friends I have not met a one, that doesn't do these very Primary Wealth producing things. I would venture to say, that most of American artists, and for that matter International artists, breath life into the fabric of our nation by doing and creating simply because they can. I don't believe that art is relegated to those who: paint, sculpt, draw, etc. This is not an oversimplification; it is a return to a clear conception of art. That is where the "art world" is.

Sure, you can look at the miniscule elitist art scene, the ones who are in fact considered "Professional Artists" and see that they have to pull out of the rest of society and let society sustain them while they do their part for humanity, and some will even defend them. And the reality is for me; go ahead defend them if you are out there, because there is a place for them, albeit, that place is getting increasingly smaller. When you look at them you see all these things, even when you look at the work you do yourself. For example the writing on this site, sustained in suspension on stolen energy, stolen, cause who's to say it is contributing to the common good of anyone.

I also think Reed oversimplifies "artists", and tries to relegate them all to this Secondary Wealth mechanism. While in fact the nut of what he is trying to get at is that, it isn't the art that is the problem, it is the disconnect from making a whole world that his conception of an artist confines themselves. This isn't just happening in the art world, it is happening all around us. It is called professionalization of society. The professional artist is by definition one who steps back from society and does her own thing? Well maybe then, but now I see that we are headed in the other direction.

I think there are a phenomenal number of artists that are more aware of their own hypocrisies, i.e. in the environmental impact of their work. Many have had realizations akin to Reed's and dropped out of art "production" entirely (check out Suzi Gablik's "Conversations before the end of time").

Fundamentally I agree with what he is implying we need to think about our impact on the world and then act to reverse it as often as possible. I think many of us are striving to get there. This is thinking holistically. Yes, we should. And some of us are trying.

I recommend this article to all artists visiting this site, which, of course, includes every one of us. The article's original date is apparently 1984, funny that the American art world of today continues to be more exclusive, a professant of band-aid status quo whose products remain systemically relegated to secondary wealth orientation.

http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC05/Reed.htm

I often wonder if paintings were ever meant to travel? Changing my landscape informs my processes and subject-matter, but I remain a Texan artist.

Think of all of the promotional materials and efforts pumped out for an exceptionally noteworthy museum exhibit by our given premier institutions. Measure the levels of toxicity of inks, papers, plastics, energy expediture, transport, etc. to create a "successful" exhibition.

visitor guides
educational materials
headsets
billboards
advertising
member brochures
mailers
computer-aided internet interactivity
crating
shipping
insurance
experience-oriented status paraphenalia

This thing hasn't worked for months, and I haven't tried to fix it for months either. This is a test post.

Well, I had to take a sick day today. I feel kinda strange doing it, it's not like some have the benefit of having a sick day, but I'll get past that for now and let the guilt settle. I have to take today to rest. It seems I've forgotten how important rest is in a balanced healthy life and it has given me a hell of a feverish and weak feeling today.

If I were in the military or a civilian under attack, I'd have to push on and possibly be killed because my weakness might set me one step behind the others. Well, I feel one step behind the others today. And looking over my shoulder, I decided to sit down anyways.

Perhaps it's a good thing, cause I'm gonna force myself to stay away from this for a day. Stay away from the computer. My head hurts and the screen doesn't help. Perhaps I'll rest and be fairly sedate all day, but as sick days often do to a person, you find yourself at home, and finding a million things that you should do at home. There is always these little things that you can find to do, and I'm often distracted by them.

Oh, well I've got to go rest now.

Hello visitors, for anyone that does not know. I'm Wayne's stepmother and friend, and have been for the last 20 years.

Let me introduce you to my grandchildren. I have 3 and they are all boys, these 3 brothers are a joy, very amusing and a bother at times. Caleb is the oldest he is 4, Brandon is next at 3 and Justin is the baby, he is 1. They are all blonde headed and blue eyed bundles of energy and full of questions.

They come to our house from time to time to play with KneeKnee and PawPaw (all grandparents have to have names and those are ours). The boys come in the front door talking and do not stop! That is ok! They have lots of stuff to talk about. They have to tell us about what they have been doing and about things they want to do. They have to ask what things are, even if it is something they have seen a million times. Kids seem to think it is funny to ask "what's that" and point at something like the kitchen table or a shoe on the floor. Now that I am KneeKnee and not Mom it is ok, I will tell them the kitchen table is a pony or the shoe is a hat. They correct me and seem to delight in doing so.

Caleb, being the oldest, is the ringleader. He is in control and the other 2 following, like he really knows best. Caleb decides if they are going to empty the toy box onto the floor or go outback or maybe play with the magnets on the fridge. Usually it is going outside! These boys love to be outside. Once outside they have to point out that every flowerpot, deck chair, and anything else they can think of are still where it was last time they saw it. It is amazing how much they notice that we, grownups, never give a thought.

I learned as a mom the easiest way to answer those question like "why is the grass green?" or " why do birds fly?" was "God wanted it that way" It seemed to satisfy the father of these grandkids so I still use that answer. There are things I do different with these boys then I did as a mom. I get out in the yard and blow bubbles, I watch bugs crawl along the ground and throw leaves up in the air just to watch them fall back down, or set on the swing and read the same book 5 times or even pick out what we see in the clouds. You know when I do that rather then clean the bathroom or mop a floor the sun still comes up the next morning! This is not to say I let these boys do everything they want. I do have rules! They have learned I have things in my house and yard you can play with and I have things that are just for looking at. They tell me how pretty my flowers in my flowerbeds are but they do not play in the flowerbeds. Nor do I let them play with the water hose or get in their pool when it is 40 degrees no matter how warm they tell me it is!

I think these boys are part fish! They love the water. If it is to cold for the hose or the pool Caleb tells me how dirty he is. It is funny to have a 4 year old come tell you " I am so dirty". If he can not get in the water outside the bathtub is the next best thing in his mind.

Brandon is quieter then Caleb. He talks as much but not as loud or as well. I have a little trouble knowing what Brandon is telling me sometimes. If I do not understand what he said and ask, " do you want a drink?" because I may have thought that is what he said he says, "OK". I never know if I guessed right as to what he said or if he is answering my question. Brandon is very busy! He is always moving. Where Caleb will set on the swing and look at clouds Brandon is on the go! He will be in the swing then off and trying to climb a tree or running, not running anywhere just running to run. Brandon also (for reasons no one knows) loves eggs. Not to eat but, to play with! He had some little plastic eggs for Easter and now wants eggs! If he cannot find a plastic one to play with he will try to get the eggs out of the refrigerator and play with them.

Brandon is more likely to talk to or want to play with men. When he comes over the first thing he says when he comes in the door is "where's PawPaw?" He will go to and talk to or want to play with his dad or PawPaw more then his mother or me. Brandon is more ruff and tumble then Caleb is. They have wooden block they play with, Caleb builds things and then plays with the stuff he build (like build a garage and drive his little cars in and out of the garage) Brandon build things like a garage and then drives his cars into the side of it to knock it down and do it all over again. Caleb will blow bubbles in the back yard and watch them float away Brandon wants me to blow the bubbles while he chases them and pops them. Nether one is right or wrong they are just different.

Now the youngest Justin, We call him Fred. That is the name his PawPaw gave him 3 moths before he was born, a sonogram showed it was a boy and a name had not been decided on so "Fred" as been what we call him. He just turned one this month so he does not get to play in the yard much nor dose he talk to us. He does loves the water! He is just beginning to walk so he has to learn what is for playing with and what is just for looking at still.

It is hard for me to think these boys will someday be running this world. I only hope I did a good enough job raising their daddy that he and their mother will raise them to be caring, thoughtful adults. I also hope we leave them with a world worth running.

I keep starting to write something, and finding myself unable to put into words what I'm thinking. My thoughts whirl too quickly, I guess I shouldn't try and catch them all or be with them all. The reality is I don't like to think that they all are me, but they are. I mean, here I sit in front of my computer screen (at least I have one-and the energy to power it right?), cursor blinking. Yet, my major dilemma is what should I say? Or, where do I begin? and Does anyone care? Does it matter? Is all hope lost? and Should my only hope now be that it be short, the war that is?

What if these aren't the first things to cross my mind? What if, the first thing to cross my mind is, haven't we been here before?

I remember September 11th, as I'm sure many will never forget, but I will not idealize the memory. I was scared. More fearful than I've ever been in my life (shocked and awed as some might say). I think many Americans could concur, and many more could empathize, eventhough they may have felt the same at the hands of our will.

My feeling today, this evening, is that I fear not enough remember what that fear and terror was like. Too few, dig deep into their hearts and memory and remember how tragedy and fear and angst, can bring together people that never would have spoken to the other before. Perhaps these bonds are impermanent or perhaps they are lifelong, broken only by distance and time, but I suggest that we all take heed and remember how quickly they came. For support it or not, we've done the same to another country, yet again. It seems we forget. Or have we forgotten what some can do? What we would do? Will it be so easy? Was it for us?

And, when you've remembered. When you've remembered how the pain gushed from your heart and how the tears welled as you heard the news that so many lives had been lost, perhaps some close and dear to you, perhaps they all were, to you. Perhaps you can remember what you might have asked.

I asked: How? Why? Don't they understand the value of human life? What now? What will we do? Will this be the excuse?

Well, what now? Don't we understand the value of human life? Have we forgotten the will of human nature to drive one another together in times of fear and angst and uncertainty? What do you think the people of Iraq will do (or Iran, or Palestine, or North Korea, or Columbia?)? What do people do when they experience terror and trauma and will they follow our example? If they do are we ready, do we want this?

What would you do? What did you do? If you can answer all these questions and the rest of the ones that fill your head, then you can go back to sleep, or watch TV, or read CNN.com, or whatever it is that you do to avoid confrontation. Just stay numb. Stay cozy. It's not our fault. Really it isn't. And they promise, everything will be ok, when the bad men have gone away. Right? Isn't that what we believe? Well, isn't it?

These are just questions, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to them. It seems that if we think of a final answer then we find we must do something about it immediately, before all hope and faith in that answer is lost and we forget that that was the best answer. The best answer of that time. Well, then we have to ask, is time stationary? Are we by ourselves? Is there one answer? Have we decided for all, and if so what happens next? Who are we to say? These are questions I can't solve alone, I wish there were someone out there who would help. Isn't there? Somewhere?

"President Bush speaks to the nation tonight..."-NPR Correspondent 4:35pm EST (unsurprisingly) it appears American and British declared war on Iraq is inevitable.

I just want to make it clear to the few people who visit this site. I don't support the war. I also do not condone torture, no matter what an individual's "potential as a ticking time bomb" or participation in mass terrorist attacks like September 11th. That's right Mr. President, if I were on the "evil side" (if there were such a thing) I wouldn't support your torture either, even though from the evil's perspective you are also a terrorist..

Side Rant: Also, if you are a CIA or NSA information crawler, yep here's another American that disagrees with our fearless leaders. first I'd like to welcome you to my new home, and I'm sure you'll find it easy to figure out where I live, since my web domain info contains that data (or does it) and I like to add that if you have time and the ability,(Mr. or Ms. CIA, FBI, NSA, or whomever) if you'd leave the statistics you've accumulated about websites that you've counted as anti-war (and hence anti-american by your conviction I imagine) on my comments section, I'd appreciate it. Tell your boss that you thought it was your duty to abide by the freedom of information act.

On a more realistic note, and I've taken the liberty of printing a pdf of this interesting find I came across on the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine. Take a look here for the web page although I haven't a clue how long this page will stay up. But aren't all those conspiracy theories bs? So, we don't really have anything to be concerned about, or want to ask our government representatives what happened to those dates?

Or do we? I know I find it strange that the web pages for the later part of July 2001 through Sept. 12th 2001 are simply not there. I'm gonna e-mail the Internet Archive and ask them about it. Find out where they went? What do you think? Please post your comments. I'm curious to see if anyone has a plausible explanation, or even better it would be nice just to hear your comments or concerns about this and other actions of our fearless leaders.

Well, for now I'm gonna unplug. I'm getting too pissed to think clearly. The talk on NPR has been nothing but war related and speculation about what the US will do to "impose democracy", the impact on oil production, the leadership styles of the military, etc. So, much for a free press, I suppose there is nothing else important going on in the world. Oh, except the emergence of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) across the world. Check out this map.

Of course some of us (on this planet), it seems, don't even know any of this is going on. And perhaps they are happy and gay, or at least less serious than I. Perhaps they are content, exploring their own personal flatland or perhaps they're not, and perhaps they have something to say also. But who will listen. Will you? Will I? How will we know?

Here ends, what feels like another scream in the dark. Kind of like when I write our representatives and our President.

Back in the "out of my head world", the cat says meow, the birds say tweet, and spring says good evening. Good evening.

Hello to those of you that I do not yet know. I'm a friend of Wayne's from way back and my name is Sarah Gonzales (for the interim). All my musings will post under Mexico left.

About a week ago I heard an brief commentary on npr of recent findings that the universe is just expanding. Instead of the previously conceived idea of expansion following contraction following potentially cyclical Big Bangs...it is just expanding ad infinitum.

In my current work I'm investigating concepts of humanity in relation to extant expanse and offer this to the blog (did I use that term correctly?)

A meditation on the instructional infinity of flatland in an ever expanding universe
Flatland already knows who you are
accepting your every step
loud
in the present.
Come to terms with
how tall & small you are
how broad & narrow you are
how smart & ignorant you are
your fortitude, naivete, dignity, innocence.
When you standstill on flatland,
do you have faith that you can love
and be loved?
So do what you need to do.

This originally appeared in a private group on yahoo groups, I wrote it and it stands as an open invitation to all my fellow workshoppers et al, and most of this will seem out of context to my regular visitors.
The mile of posts behind this one are all very thought provoking and have reinforced my commitment to share with everyone an idea and commitment I'd like to share with everyone.

So, being an active participant in the world of Information Technology (or computers as most say--I am labeled a System Administrator in my "profession", and I work for City Year a non-profit in Boston. And you can do a web search and read more about that somewhere else), and a recent participant in this past summer's #1 workshop, I would like to offer an alternative to this forum here on the yahoo groups, more of a supplement, not meant to usurp, although I'm open to that.

My thinking is that while this(sensorium) is an excellent opportunity to share thoughts and discuss ideas, outrages, concerns, challenges, work, problems, war, peace, hate, anger, politics, fear, or rather very simply (or not so simply) life. I was thinking perhaps we should open this up to public commentary and criticism, time to stop living in a box if you will, albeit from the sounds of it none of you do live in a box, but I think "sensorium" does to a large degree, and I think we are missing the opportunity to share with the world at a crucial time (which is now...and hence...always).

Mind that I have just finished reading David Bohm's work "On Dialogue" (or rather one form of it), so I might be overfull of idealism and perhaps a bit of naiveté, so consider this more as a proposal or an option not as an "alternative" as I don't mean it that way.

Lately, I have succumbed to the world of the weblog, and I realized that "sensorium" is a rather crude (and annoyingly sponsored) form of weblog. There are many takes on what a weblog is or isn't and I won't go to deeply into that, what I will say is that I think "sensorium" is one and I've found and am willing to finance an alternative. Yes, I said finance, but it is really not a big deal and I'll not ask anything of you all, at least until I run out of $$ completely or die, whichever comes first.

The neat thing about this other place is that I think it would provide a forum that is closer to Bohm's definition or idea of a "dialogue". And I am very much interested in trying this, and if anyone else is willing I have already begun here http://www.emptyhighway.com . There you'll find the crude default design of the weblog content management system (I know it sounds scarily technical...and to some degree it is, but I’ll worry about the scary part) or website as you have it. Check it out explore, it no new thing in the world of web as you'll find out if you visit some of my links, and my posts (currently) won't necessarily interest you, however, as many have said already the power of sensorium is in the sheer diversity of voices.

That is what we're all interested in right, despite the desire for censorship and feelings of hurt that have gone before this, we all desire to attain some degree of understanding between one another, not necessarily agreement. Agreement is overrated if you ask me (of course you didn't...but I told you anyway...ha!). As an example of the potential of the range of voices that are out there, perhaps you could visit the following site http://www.metafilter.com .

I also, am not suggesting that we send an e-mail out to the world inviting them to our website, as I don't think they'd listen anyways, but I think that being there (in the public forum), eventually our potential to engage a larger part of the world and interest them in art and ideas and life, as we all are so very very interested in, we could perhaps change the tone of the world.

So, here are the gory details of what I can do. I have a domain name www.emptyhighway.com (as I've said) we are open to having any "sub-domains" we want. What does this mean you ask? (Thinking perhaps to yourself, this man is a blatant technophile and hardly an artist-well we'll see won't we?) It means that we could choose a name, and not very many people would have opportunity to have input in the first name that we choose, but names are impermanent and easily changed, to get us started we can choose anything under the sun that would fit before my domain name. And I'm thinking of buying the .org as well in case the .com thing bothers anyone, in which case it would all wind up in the same place (again don't worry about that piece).

The most obvious domain name for me, would be sensorium.emptyhighway.com (visit http://www.emptyhighway.com/sensorium for an example sensorium.emptyhighway.com will take a day or two to activate across the internet ) Which would cause less headache for us all as a decision has been made, again names are a difficult thing, as I'm sure you all are aware with your own works, children, etc., but if there are fewer options, sometimes it easier to jump write into the work as we would have it. So, there you have it, I have a name and I could activate it momentarily if you so desired.

The next thing, how it works. Well, it's very much like this. You can either e-mail an address (although I haven't fully tested that yet... i am very confident it will work just fine) or you log on to this site http://www.emptyhighway.com/mt/mt.cgi and make a new post.

Setting it up would take some time and I would have to design a fairly simple and non-partisan space for dialogue to take place, always open to change and suggestions of course, but it could be ready to use as early as tomorrow. All you would have to do is e-mail me and let me know that you wanted to participate and I'd create the space, then the logins and send you your temporary password and the username you can pick your self if you'd like. In fact I may just do that tomorrow anyway. We'll see. I know many of us do not participate in these web forums anyway, and my idea is that, perhaps, if Rose and Claire were willing to share the addresses of everyone (their pick) I could send that person physical copies of the monthly archives of posts to share with them via "snail mail" as some refer to it.

Keep an open mind when thinking about this and I'll be open to your replies refusals or over joy. Also, keep in mind that this will be available to anyone at large in the world to comment, albeit there are numerous ways to "censor" people, and being a group of people committed to ...something...well we might have to block rancorous non-workshoppers from commenting were they to get nasty, but I think only if they got nasty...or commercial. I don't know what you'll all think so I'll leave it at that. I am rather long winded when I do finally post, and I'm sure your eyes are already anticipating the end of this sentence, so bye.

Oops almost forgot, images would also be possible and less restrictive, but I think those might need to be held under lock and key to some degree and don't know the best way to do that today, but I'll get back to you tomorrow. Be Well.
Love,
Wayne....and Tracie...and our cat Tatum.

As I was washing dishes this evening, I was thinking about some of the things that have been bothering me lately:

a) I can't believe I didn't know James Earl Ray was not Martin Luther King, Jr.'s asassin, b) I really want to make this weblog a place where everybody {my workshop friends(other workshoppers), friends, family, co-workers (whom I respect), and other interested parties} can come and post or author works here, yet I am not sure how. c) I need to write and about page. About me and about my intentions of this site. d) I have to choose one of the image plugins for MT and load it and start using it, then switch to the "best" one later. e) I need to explain how easy and how fun these weblogs can be, and why one would want to do them (I think a link section to a variety of quality links will suffice, I'll get to work on culling the pointless ones out of my list later this week). f) I need to invite friends and family to participate in this thing. I think I'll start with some workshoppers, and then see where we can go from there.

Later, after my sink was shiny white, and when my mind was overly full of noise, I made some tea and spent a nice evening at home alone reading McSweeney's #10. I have to go now and wake up slightly early, and read Tracie's blog, she finally posted something.

My mom took a look at the site and determined that I need to lighten up, well is this light enough? Perhaps not.

I've seen several paradies of this, a seriously wrong US propaganda site, financed by...that's right you and I and all our fellow taxpayers. This makes me think that perhaps some of our top officials should lighten up, or perhaps go away.

This is a scary reminder of the power of nationalism and propaganda. Any body remember World War II, or the Cold War with the U.S.S.R? It seems whenever domestic turmoil raises its head in the U.S. , we find an evil to combat and a new country to setup as "Democratic". Does this strike anyone else as wrong? How about we figure out how to make U.S. domestic "Economic Security" more viable for the rest of the world, and stop spreading the defective product to other countries? Or if there are other options, then lets give them a chance first.

Hey, THIS (site kinda sucks...now at least) looks like a great place to get and share recipes....Tracie check this out...

Last night I screwed up a pretty simple dish and I'm feeling that I could use all the help I can get. This link is also in the OTHER ROUTES section of this site.

We'll have our own food section soon enough...

Everyone should have a big sister like mine, if they could. If not, a really good life-long friend will probably work out all right as well. Just find somebody with a different perspective than yours, and I think you'll learn a little about it what it means to be human and filled with compassion, humor, and love of life, as I have and continue to from her. These things, I think we all too often take for granted.

I was lucky enough to get to know my Big Sister beyond the silly adolescence and childhood scramblings and vying for attention from Mom, Dad, other family and friends. She landed back home several months following her College Graduation. I had taken up fort there, in our childhood home, after Mom headed for the East coast to live with her special someone else.

Mom was generous enough to set us up with cheap rent (usually no rent), which immensely helped me along in conquering the strife's of American adolescence and challenges of higher Ed, without having to subsist merely on the jobs I slaved at through the years of school.

Some years ago, today... perhaps, as fine a morning as it is here in JP, I?ll bet not as cold, she was brought into the light of day. Unbeknownst to her, years of angst and hell and torment called little brother were soon to follow. I think she got a tip off about the troubles. It seems she must have begun preparation for all the fine moments of torment and trickery she would fell on me over the years that followed. All of which were bested by her sheer good nature and maturity, years after that, when for some reason she chose to live with me, rather than some place on her own where she could be free of direct family interference.

Somehow these things didn't frighten her too much and she came back. And we both got to know each other and grow up a little bit more, together, as brother and sister, friend and family. I think that all too often families grow apart, and fail to really get to know one another before they do. We didn't, and while we don't talk every week, we do talk at least every month, and it's always good to hear her voice.

Well, after about 4 years of living together, minus a semester apart when I lived in Austin, with pipe dreams of becoming an Engineer, I moved away up here to the East Coast. Not too far from Mom and Mike, her wonderful special someone else that we have all grown to love as part of our family as well.

Since, today's her birthday and I recently started this web log (blog) I figured I'd send this to all my friends and family, so, they could think some good thoughts about their families and friends for a few moments and so that Jen's birthday, for a few moments, could bring everybody together. Please feel free to wish her a happy birthday here. Or e-mail this to your friends and family using the "email this entry to..." option.

Many of you may have never met Jen, nor perhaps will you. But for those of you, who do know her, write something special here about her. I know some of you have sent e-cards and real cards and such, but take a minute and make a comment here. I'd like to know I'm not the only one out there that loves his big sister (besides the fam of course). For those of you who don't know her, here's a quick biased bio.

After graduating Texas A&M in 1993 she moved to SA to work for a renown Orthopedic surgeon who invented the Titanium Rib and she organized his Titanium rib project and his life for a few years. While doing this full-time job, she managed to take more classes at our local university, further preparing her for applying to Medical School.

In between the job, studying, being a big sister, and applying for med school, she managed to stay really active in all types of dangerous (as Mom says) sports. And, she managed to frequently visit our then ailing and wonderful Grandmothers. They both have passed and my sister gave the best damn eulogy for one of the toughest, kindest ladies of our time, my Grandma Johnson as we called her.

A few months ago, she scared the shit out of us all, when she happened upon an invisible cliff, while riding in a mountain bike race. She broke her back and fractured a rib (or two) and managed to get back to school within a few weeks. She's the toughest and most generous people I know and am proud and humbled to have her as my big sister.

Even though she's facing more surgery (she's had other accidents in the past) she's still in school, and ever the optimist about life and its possibilities. Jen, if everybody could live life as you have, they would have lived many lives. Happy Birthday!! wherever you are, my dear sister. I know you are probably working a rotation today and saving someone's life, and I hope everybody gets an opportunity to share with you their thoughts on your impact in their life.

Seven people in my subway car this morning were reading the Boston Metro, out of say 30 total, the rest of who were in thought or conversation or sleep, none reading a book. Some might say, "Well, at least they're reading!?" Does anyone else find it's proliferation questionable?

This past summer Tracie (my partner) and I spent 6 weeks in Italy. Not for some summer getaway, but to work. We were invited to a workshop on Creativity in LA CIPRESSAIA in the heart of Tuscany. But that is a long and unending tale, that I'll go into some other time.

Nevertheless, when I was in Italy, we spent a fews days in Rome, there I was surprised, but not very shocked to see an Italian version of the Metro there.

Apparently that isn't the only place that it is check T H I S out. I did a search on google for "Philadelphia Metro or Boston Metro and Luxembourg", and the second link to come up was this.

I guess what they are really about is news tight, after all the third link was a link to their "News site", right? Not quite.

In fact I can't find their "mainpage", and I'm not going to spend any more time looking, because from what I've seen there is nothing to see in their "news"

The sad thing is, I see more people reading this crap, instead of books, magazines, other newspapers (which also have problems) or listening to music. And I think because it's free, they think they can just leave it anywhere. "So, that it is easier for others to read it if they want." How generous of them.

Meanwhile, the most frequent siting on the sidewalk in downtown Boston (or Cambridge, JP, or Dorchester-places I've lived ) is guess, what? Yep, some remnant of the Metro. How lovely!